Complimetary Paint Colors

In Zurich everything is under (the)

now know it, you need to know to live in Zurich an endless series of rules that are applied with Swiss Teutonic rigor - but what I wrote?! For example, generally, in a condominium, after nine, ten o'clock at night not be allowed to perform certain actions that could cause a nervous breakdown the sensitive minds of the neighbors

1. 
   No washing machine. The centrifuge is lethal for the peace of evening. Must be why I often happen to wash underwear and socks, properly exorcised, between eleven and unity. Italics troublemakers


2. 
   No shower. The average Swiss home at five thirty, six o'clock to rinse, eat at six and seven and a half sleep. All the others are forced to smell like normativante muffloni . Swiss


3. 
   Nothing flush. The noise of the water is too close to the Falls of Schaffhausen in Switzerland and creates melancholic. to soak the bastards

But if you put who also lives in the apartment under your ... Saturday afternoon I put myself in front of the piano - is behind everything harder - to practice. Headphones attached, to avoid any possible discomfort. Be ', after five minutes the guy who lives downstairs starts to shout' Silence! ' and hit the ceiling, I think, a threshing machine. A Morse code that means 'Do not break my balls '. Once before he had come to ring at the door wondering: 'Are you who you you you you you you you - imagine it as it engages in the pantomime of the bongo player -? No, because I tremble all over the ceiling! '. This time, however, are quite nervous. Stress. And my watch is three and half past. So, getting that message, begins to pound on the keys like a madman , raising the first time in a Swiss emotions. Of hatred, but also more emotional. But back to our rules and prohibitions. If you have the opportunity to travel on one of the efficient public transportation in this city, you may encounter a sign whose meaning decidedly cryptic. I, however, thanks to the power of cuba libre, I managed to solve the mystery. Look carefully at the photo of this post and let's start from right to left - as, indeed, we read the Torah in Hebrew and I'm not doing that much exegesis of a sacred piece of Swiss history :

• 
  is prohibited resting your feet on the seat in front if you wear shoes. The hockey here, is one of the most popular sports. And the fans if they go skating around the streets of Zurich - skating! -. Then, climb on the means and infischiandose good manners, rest their big feet skated on the seats. A real social scourge. For shoes


• 
  is prohibited saw the seats. It can happen. The harsh climate, the gray winter, the difficulties in relationships, the meanness in the office. If the pressure becomes unbearable, the Swiss saw a weapon and takes out his creativity in this way. Of course, if they saw one armed with a serrated blade up, the last thing I would worry that he put to resect a chair, but the Swiss, the res publica, first of all


• 
  is forbidden to sing the songs of Lucio Battisti . The Swiss are already depressed them - I would like to see you if you could not flush the toilet after ten in the evening - well we miss you get to the minstrel of the day to rattle off 'The cart was passing, and the man shouted "ice" / Al twenty-one months of our money had already finished '. Mass suicide in lightning strikes bratwurst


• 
  This is doubtful. Bilingual interpretation. The first: it is forbidden to be poor . Poverty is severely punished German-speaking Switzerland with two years of forced TeleZüri vision. Terrible. Second interpretation: is forbidden to walk around with bananas sticking out of pockets . Little sign of humility. And then, remember the famous words 'You have a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?': The Swiss are not funny because you see prefer to keep it out of his pocket. The ban is to be able to laugh at their joke


• 
  Anchi doubt reigns supreme here. Could mean: is forbidden to create a pall of smoke over the heads of those who stands before you . There's enough out of the fog. Or smoking is prohibited when the guy who sits in front has a head shaped cloud . How distinguish them, then? The heads, I say. It will be a cirrocefalo, or a stratocefalo nembocefalo? Mica is the night where all cows are black ...

I hope I have adequately informed about how to behave in a civilized manner if you take a tram or bus in Zurich. Now you know what to do. If you do not, know that you have my admiration. And now, excuse me, but I leave you, because I are knocking on the ceiling: I'm pressing on the keyboard with too much violence. That damned face cloud! great week everyone!

Open Sores On Cat's Head

Sorry but ... To be or not to be? We are all fried

"The Lord the Lord called the man (Adam) and said Where are you? ". This passage from Genesis for centuries did turn white beards of biblical exegetes: Adam thought really to escape the Big Brother? Or God did not know Yahoo! Answers, the service provided by the company in Silicon Valley and allows you to find an answer to the big questions of life ? The first owner appears to have been Hamlet, which, with its demand has given rise to a mileage thread that has not been exhausted. If you want to know that figure comes out in uniting all the Bruno Vespa , if the thirty-Trent who came trotting in Trento were really thirty or because the left never goes to the streets to demonstrate against the genocide of bacteria newspaper ... be ', then what are you waiting?

Sunday, usually while I was writing the post on Monday, I was struck by lightning amnesia. Popped up in my mind the word 'cough' . A key word of Italian vocabulary. So, I Googled 'how to spit phlegm' and my eye fell on one of the links Yahoo! Answers. There I clicked on it. I came across this Frank, I believe, must not have had an easy life. In fact, Frank this question: " How do I bring up the phlegm spitting x? is .. ke qnd I was a kid I can not ...?". Must be a terrible problem, as you can see, it also prevents to write well. I could not share this pearl on Facebook . And that's what I did. A few minutes later my friend I., to which nothing escapes, I noted that what they have stumbled upon is nothing compared to the dilemma of Tear's Rain " is mathematically possible to calculate the size of a penis ?". I do not remember ever faced such a problem on the desks of high school and at home, in general, I used a simple ruler . Over the left knee has not scare dall'arduo task and provided a detailed answer in complex mathematical formulas that I invite you to go read . Now he is in contention for a Fields Medal. Absolute genius. At that point I am intrigued. I wanted to know. I wanted to know more. So, I started to do research here and there. For example, you had ever wondered why inflatable dolls always look so stupid ? Someone did. The most popular theory argues that the term is due to the fact that stupid inflatable dolls can not study at Harvard. Has its own logic. Someone else wonders if when you do a blood test they ask you how many phone . Of course, then call you to tell if you passed or you have to resubmit to the next call. Mariossi wants to know what the nutritional value of a snots. True that there are boogers bigger than that souffle the other day I ate at the restaurant of nouvelle cuisine, however, does not seem essential information. Unless that is not the only form of nourishment, and then maybe yes, sapevatelo. A girl suffering from acne on the buttocks and asks for advice on treatment. And the council does not hesitate: 'Foundation'. And while a user is terrified by the possibility that nail-biting hurts stomach - ever since the boogers, which are certainly much more heat -, another is attacked by a horrible doubt that grips your stomach literally: "Why always fart?". If I were him, I would not worry too much, the wind has been cleared for centuries thanks to Dante 'And he had made a trumpet of his rump'. Alternatively, we could submit to Roberta, who wants to learn about gymnastic exercises more useful to combat flatulence . "What happens if a person ingests a suppository?". Who knows. The Apocalypse? "Why do I keep dreaming of having sex with my aunt's cat? ". Maybe a cat very well equipped. We conclude with the last question. The most ingenious. Honorable Mention. Applause. General ovation. Kiss academic

"How do I answer questions on yahoo?".

And we're done for today. It's Monday, I'm tired, stressed out, I have a tendonitis that prevents me from playing the guitar since November, a nagging heel, the girls give me phone numbers that do not respond then and there are more between seasons. In Zurich there has never been because it is always winter - but that is cold?! Luckily there are Yahoo! Answers, at least I make myself laugh. Now say goodbye: I go to calculate the size of my penis . Good week to all!

My Spinning Bike Is Squeaking?

-g

I hate Mondays. On Tuesday, more. On Monday, in fact, when playing the hated alarm clock, get up and, with resignation, I'm preparing to go to the office. But what, shortly after, is sitting in front of a computer, not me. is an automaton. A being without conscience. Will. A plant with the opposable thumb. A zombie with the earbuds in your ears. Ectoplasm burdened with Excel and Microsoft Project. On Tuesday, however, is another history. On Tuesday, is the awakening in the Buddhist sense. On Tuesday, marks the veil of Maya. On Tuesday, there is awareness . It's only Tuesday. I have to climb mountains of mail, browse projects abysmal, to endure torrential meeting. And two years I put the curtains in the room , dammit! Then one wonders why people take drugs or watch 'Men and women'. Take last Tuesday . One as many others. The sound of 'Sunday Morning' Maroon 5 reminds me of three things: one, that is not Sunday morning, because last time I got up Sunday morning was when I they removed the appendix in which I was very fond of and believe me, it was a long time ago, and two, that the waves that I spupazzavo, alas, it was just a dream , three, that it is time to change alarm. On Monday, when I rise, are destroyed. On Tuesday, in general, needs a defibrillator . The usual ten minutes to find the courage to stand up. The slippers are always a mystery in my house. One is under the piano, the other is reported missing. Evacuation of the bladder and morning ablution being always careful to avoid the mirror on the wall that never lies. Step refreshment in the kitchen, brushed incisors and canines and forth, ready to be by ennobling activity that requires dedication, commitment and a certain amount of talent. No, not sex . Before leaving, I take the shirts lying abandoned in the basket of dirty clothes for the past more than a month. Mission laundry. The laundry is run by two little old ladies Zurich suffering, I suppose, from advanced dementia. By. Dlin dlon! The bell for a few seconds automatically reactivate my dormant neurons.

"Grüezi"

For the uninitiated, this is the typical greeting in Swiss German. Their guttural 'Hello'. To pronounce it perfectly, we must first smoke a few cigarettes, expectorate, and then rush out with the word. It is not easy believe me. Spare the salute and support the shirts on the counter. The lady bends dangerously and with the help of an abacus began to count. Then he looks at me.

"Foif," declaims vehemently - I think you write FUF, or something like that. I look at myself. Of terror is painted on my face.

"Foif?"
"Ja. Foif.

Oh well ', so if we have made, I have no objection - the latest in the office, I find his' foif' would be 'Funf' in Switzerland German. Five. At present, however, are undecided whether this is an insult or a kind of mantra Swiss apotropaic . Go ahead. The lady, more curve starts to write a note.

"Frittig," and he must scream, because it is so now that curve, folded on itself, writes stuck in the basket under the counter. No, look, fried at this time I find it rather indigestible. Maybe later. But she is adamant. "Frittig" . Just a bite, they are also in a hurry. "Frittig." But what is the supercazzola premature? Defeated, slurred speech a 'Ja' unconvinced - Later, in the office, I find his 'Frittig' (do you spell 'Fritig') would be the 'Freitag' in Swiss German. Friday. Nothing fried. bad.

The lady met, continues in its monosyllabic interrogation.

"Der name?"

Ah, this is easy, this is the know! I press the button.

"R. .... erg"

The lady drops the pen and you pull up. No, do not do it! On its face that appears in the morning in Zurich is impossible to see. As in Milan. A smile . No, no, I already understood. Do not do that, please. Gradually, changes from a smile to laughter that causes dentures to earthquakes and a shambles epileptic breast Juno. I know it is going to say, but do not say. Not this time. Please! But she, like molten lava dripping from the slopes of an erupting volcano, is unstoppable. So I prepare.
"Hahaha! R. ..... erg?! R. ..... erg?! Restaurant wie das hier in der Nähe, R. .... org !!!". As the restaurant nearby, R. .... org. "Wussten Sie?". Did you know? No. How could I

. It will only be the tenth time I repeated the same joke and all the alcohol drunk in the last twenty years my has some memory leak. As my parents have tried, with little success, to give me that little bit of education you need to go out to dinner and to avoid, including a plate of spaghetti and a cut in the blood, insert your fingers into the case and stick to the inner product Gross under the chair, laughing in my turn and I thank arterislerotica for donatami comic gem. But I love my post because I can work on the imagination and write what they want. So, I laugh, then I extract a shovel and gave it strikes the teeth , resulting in a curious reharmonization of 'Fra Martino bell'. Greetings and after seeing the bus to reach the stop, snap like a sprinter in effect of cannabis and I collapsed, then, unarmed, in the bottom row of seats.

Be '? Nothing, it's Monday. And with all due respect to David Hume, I would say that it is very likely that tomorrow will be Tuesday. Always before I fall on his head a meteorite, which does not mean that in any case, tomorrow is Tuesday and, at most, I'll be fifteen centimeters high and I have a lot of trouble to make my wardrobe. So, what can I say? of patients, which will soon be back Frittig . Good week to all!